It’s okay to spend time away from your kids.
When I became a mom, I just assumed all extra time should be spent with the baby. Especially since I was a working mom. I was gone for 40 hours a week already, it made sense to spend the remaining 128 hours with my baby.
In the past 11 years, I can count on one hand the times my husband and I left overnight together. We just didn’t do it. We didn’t know we were supposed to do it. Or that it was okay to do it.
No one told us we were allowed to take “us” time. And that we should take “us” time. Us time is important. When you’re giving all you’ve got to a 40-hour-a-week job and 128-hours-a-week to the kids, there’s no time for anything else.
We were basically working parents, who stayed at home the rest of the time. It was exhausting.
Sure. He’d go out with his friends. I’d go out with my friends. Because both were within the realm of the “good parent” rules, we put in our heads. As long as one parent is there, there will be no guilt. We trusted each other with the kids. And every once in a while, I’d drag him to a company event, but we’d just be gone a few hours, most of which the kids would be in bed. Keeping the guilt at bay.
But we weren’t connecting as a couple. We spent 11 years, not even remembering what the other person was like.
And we certainly weren’t teaching our kids about a healthy, strong marriage. And how it’s okay to want to spend time with your spouse, and not just your kids. Spending time with someone other than your kid, doesn’t mean you love the kids any less. Trust me. And, actually, maybe it means you love them more.
With the help of my therapist (yes, I have one and you should, too), I realized I’ve been spending my time all wrong. To be my best self, my time needs to be split, in no particular order or amount, like this:
• Time spent with kids (home time and also vacation time)
• Time spent with spouse (dates and weekend getaways)
• Time spent with friends (girl time is good time)
And all time, no matter with whom, should be spent with absolutely no guilt. It’s perfectly okay to spend time away from your kids.
This is so true! More moms need to know this! I sure wish I was told this when my kids were younger! My youngest is 16 and sadly, I still get great anxiety when I go out and leave her home!! She loves it, and is a great kid, but anxiety doesn’t care about that, it still gets to me 🙁
Anxiety is terrible! I’m trying to teach my kids to learn to work with it and not against it. It’s an uphill battle. Keep on fighting, mama! You’re doing a great job!